Your child has been wanting one for a long time, and the holiday season might be a good time for it—especially if the gift will make this Christmas or Hanukkah magical.

But this time it’s not a puppy. This is a smartphone or tablet.

This holiday season, many families may be considering giving their children their first device that provides direct access to the internet and social media.

Director of the Mental Health Services Center within the scope of Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services, Dr. Anita Everett said that as well as the benefits of being online, there were also real concerns about how it could affect children’s development, safety and mental health. Management.

Some experts have advocated postponing access to social media and smart devices as long as possible. (Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt suggests waiting until age 16.) But if you’ve decided to put a phone first on your gift list, there are ways to make the experience better.

“It’s not that different from a kid wanting a puppy,” said Phyllis Fagell, licensed clinical professional counselor, school counselor, and author of .Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times. “You’re not just going to bring the dog home, are you? Or if you do, you’ll probably run into some unexpected problems for which you haven’t prepared.

Experts said you can prepare by recognizing the biggest concerns, knowing your child, setting limits, setting a good example with your phone use and keeping the lines of communication open.

“Parents have an incredible opportunity to influence their children’s social media use,” Everett said. “So we want to do what we can to empower parents so they feel like they can play a role in this, too.”

Online concerns to consider

Dr. D., a pediatrician and chief at Children’s Medical Center of Atlanta. Hansa Bhargava said the obvious risks are many when it comes to devices that can access the internet, such as being exposed to age-inappropriate content, meeting unfamiliar adults or being bullied. He is head of clinical strategy and innovation for Healio, an information company for healthcare professionals.

But he added that experts also have concerns about the impact on children’s development.

“There is a lot of literature and research showing that smart devices for children can actually steal time that they need to spend with other people and develop socially,” Bhargava added. “It’s about the development of their brains.”

He said face-to-face interaction has been shown to reduce anxiety as well as aid brain development.

“Even a short conversation on the phone is better than sending a text,” Bhargava said.

Although the possibility of developing device addiction has not been proven, there is enough research to worry pediatricians, Bhargava said. He added that smart devices may affect dopamine, the neurotransmitter released in your brain when you do something pleasurable, in a similar way to what other addictive substances do.

Everett said older children, especially, may experience anxiety when their phone is turned off or they have to take some time away from social media.

Consider your child’s individual needs

Bhargava said later is often better when it comes to giving your child a smartphone.

But he added that it’s also important to look at your child’s individual needs, disabilities and maturity. The appropriate age to own a phone will vary not only by family, but also by each child in that family.

Will this child follow the rules you set over the phone? Is the child easily distracted? Does the child make impulsive decisions that he or she may later regret?

Knowing why your child wants a phone can also help you decide on its use, Fagell said. He added that if your child just wants to chat with friends, you can consider other options such as a flip phone.

“A lot of times what I hear from kids is they want to make sure they can connect with their friends so they don’t miss anything,” Fagell said.

What children can cope with may change as they get older and enter various phases with different contexts and influences.

“I’ve seen both sixth graders using it beautifully and seventh graders using it beautifully and responsibly,” he said. “Then in eighth grade maybe…they’re hanging out with different kids, trying to fit in with a different group, or trying to impress someone in particular, and they may start making more mistakes.”

Fagell said you may need to change boundaries, change security measures, or even take away the phone entirely, and that’s okay.

setting boundaries

Although the rules you determine will be specific to your family, here are some rules that give good ideas to many people.

Bhargava said a good rule of thumb is that life comes first, then the screen.

He said having a phone shouldn’t get in the way of school, activities, friends, or even pastimes that are good for children’s development, like art or reading.

Putting these first could mean rules like no phones at the dinner table, no phones until homework is done, or no phones at school, Bhargava said.

She tells her teens that they can’t keep their minds on their phones when she picks them up from school or extracurricular activities so they can chat about their day with her.

It’s a good idea to not have a phone in the bedroom for many reasons. This not only helps promote sleep, Fagell said, but also protects teens from impulsive behavior behind closed doors.

“The likelihood of them making one of these reputation-damaging mistakes increases exponentially late at night, when they’re tired, by themselves, and on a device in the bedroom,” he added. “They will also have a much harder time maintaining balance when it comes to getting schoolwork and other work done.”

For safety’s sake, Fagell said you may want to set rules about the privacy settings on kids’ phones and who they can or can’t interact with online.

“You may want to make it clear that owning a phone means you can pinpoint the content on it, but not in a punitive way,” he said.

“We want to know what kind of images they’re seeing, what kind of information they’re getting, what kinds of questions might arise, and we want to help them with that,” he said.

“We want to be really attuned to what’s going on in their lives, how they’re using it, what kind of support they might need, and be ready to reset if necessary.”

Can you take a walk?

Your children aren’t the only ones responsible for using smartphones. “So are you,” Bhargava said.

“As a parent, do you have enough time to watch this?” he asked. “Parents are so busy these days, and unfortunately they are also tasked with being the guardians of screen time and social media.

“Do you really have the time to sit down with your kids and monitor this, or at least sit down with them once a week and make sure they’re following the rules?”

But what about how you use your phone? It’s hard to enforce rules you don’t follow, so make sure your face isn’t on your phone during family dinners and be prepared to put your phone in the family basket before bed, she said.

“Parents have a tremendous opportunity to be role models for their children, how they use social media and when they leave social media,” Everett said.

Must-make smartphone calls

Creating rules and habits when you give your child a phone probably won’t be enough; You will also need to have important conversations.

Bhargava said accessing the internet has positive aspects such as learning about the world and expanding community, but children should also know that it comes with the responsibility of being a good digital citizen.

“Don’t bully people, and if you are being bullied, report it,” he said. “Don’t try to exclude people. “Don’t talk to people you don’t know.”

Children need to know that what they do online can damage their reputation and the reputation of others, and it may be helpful to show you examples from the news of how a mistake people make online can come back to haunt them when applying for a job or school. said Fagell.

Another important conversation is to make sure your child understands the difference between a child problem and an adult problem, she added.

Help your children understand that “under no circumstances are they equipped to support a child who shares a desire to harm them; in fact, they are doing more harm by not telling an adult,” says Fagell.

Having an open dialogue means kids know they can come to you if they have a problem or made a mistake online, Bhargava said.

“If your child comes to you and says, ‘Look, I did something bad,’ be serious, don’t react, stay calm and talk about it,” he said. “The best thing we can do as parents is to keep those lines of communication open.”

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has a collection to assist in these conversations. conversation starters Go to for guidance.

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